"Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."
The beginning of the Dori story
After the holiday break, 1st period, full classroom. (See, I didn't rewrite that sentence either)
Every time I would get up to sharpen my pencil, Dori would get up and sharpen hers so she could
talk to me. She timed other things like putting back the drawing boards on the drawing board
stack at the same time too. I was confused. I seemed sure that she was telling me that
she liked me. I thought it would be the greatest thing in the world if she did. She was a Sophomore,
a year older than me, nice to be around, pretty. I very much wanted her to be interested in me.
But why would she be interested in me if she already had a boyfriend. That made no sense at all.
As the days went on we started to notice that Vince was less and less concerned about talking
in the class anymore. As long as people were getting work done talking was now okay. Dori and
I started talking to each other and we also both started talking to Fred. A lot.
Fred was a senior. But not just any senior. He was the captain and quarterback of our high
school football team. I had gone to grade school with his younger brother so I think that's
how I started talking to him. Fred was just a totally nice person. He didn't look at people
as freshmen or weirdoes and all that. He was happy to talk to whoever felt like talking to him.
Dori and I both started calling him dad. That came about because we were always going to him
for advice. He'd seen how the school worked for 4 years and he was happy to tell the underclassmen
how to watch out for certain things and to make sure to do other things that would benefit you.
Then one day Dori and I were both over talking to Fred and he looked at me and he looked at Dori
and he said "You two like each other don't you?"
I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say. Then I was caught even further off
guard when Dori admitted she liked me. Well of course I confessed that I liked her to, but
what did that mean? She was already spoken for. Why was Fred playing with my hopes and dreams
like this? But Fred already had the situation well at hand, far more than I did. The next thing
he asked us was why we were not together if we liked each other. Dori divulged once more that she
sort of had a boyfriend. Next Fred asked her whether she liked her sort of boyfriend more or me
She said me.
So. Fred suggested that she should drop her sort of boyfriend and start going out with me
instead. Later in the class she handed me a note. I wouldn't have time to read it until
second period but I was very anxious to see what it said. It said that she wanted to go out
with me. For the rest of the school day I had an actual real girlfriend. Not pretend. REAL!
Finally I had met a nice girl and after high school we could get married and maybe she would even be
nice enough to let me see her naked. It was all just too good to be true.
Too good to be true. Too good to be true. Yes. Well I was so looking forward to after
school so I could find Dori and get face to face confirmation. Reading it in a letter is one
thing, but I wanted to make sure it was true. And that meant me finding her and asking her
if she was going out with me and having her say yes. I tracked her down. I started walking
her home. I asked her face to face if she would go out with me. If she was willing to be
mine and have me be hers. She said no. She said she was very sorry but she had to change her
mind. There again, the story of my love life.
Thermonuclear Emotional Weapons
I went home. Sad. Miserable. I felt cheated and dejected. It was like the whole world
just wanted to make me think I could be happy just so that it could squish my happiness under
its boot. I told my mother about how I had almost had a girlfriend and she hugged me and gave
me some sympathy and made me a nice dinner and made me feel better. My mom used to always tell
me that I was good looking and such a nice guy that by the time I was 18 or 19 I would have to
fight the girls off with a stick. I so looked forward to that time. Not that I wanted to beat
anyone with a stick. I just wanted girls to like me. And for one of them to let me see them
In school the next day I didn't want to talk to Dori. I didn't want to look at her. I wanted her to leave
me totally alone. I was done with her forever and ever and ever. I was so mad at her that I was able to
make forever and ever last about 3 minutes before I gave in and started talking back. And when I started
talking back I just ignored the fact that I was mad and just started talking to her like nothing had ever
happened. She apologized. She started telling me about how she still liked me. She started building my
hopes back up. She started telling me that she really wanted to go out with me but something had changed
and she just couldn't. For the time being that was enough. I figured as long as I was the one she wanted,
I could find it in my heart to still talk to her.
Dori was hard not to talk to. She was tall, shapely and she moved like a female. She wore white dress
shirts to school all the time, like businessmen's shirts. It was a kind of 80s thing for a girl to do. When
it was a thin dress shirt you could SEE HER BRA! She had sandy blonde hair that was kinda short and spikey.
Did I mention that sometimes you could see her bra? How is a young male who has just turned 15 supposed to
hold out against that?
So more days went by and then I finally learned what the big "I can't" was all about.
Dori thought she might be pregnant by her "sort of" boyfriend Sean and she needed to stay
with him. I was one mad
little 15 year old boy. That seemed such an unfair thing to me.
For her to be pregnant. Damn! I mean at least pick something that I know how to deal
with! This was way out of my depth. Every cell in my body was screaming out to be with
her and she had to go and be pregnant. I mean, okay, maybe she had gone and gotten
pregnant before I had ever even bopped her on the nose with the masking tape, but hadn't
she ever stopped to consider that she MIGHT meet me, and how a possible pregnancy would
make ME feel??? How self-centered could she BE?
Then she started with the questions. Why do you like me? What do you like abut me?
I had enough sense to know that thin white dress shirts and being able to see her bra was
not the right answer. In fact I had some instinctive romantic sense of exactly what were
the right things to say. Only they weren't the right things to say. This girl had been
severely emotionally traumatized her whole young life. She had started the whole cycle of
sex and physical and sexual abuse at age 13. She was needing certain assurances of stability
from somewhere and I automatically started giving them to her. I had a mother that always told
me that she loved me and so I knew how to say I love you. I knew how to be affectionate and
care about people. I knew what it was like to be different and a loner and so I knew not
only how to sympathize, but I also had these deep brooding romantic notions and knew how to
speak the language of love and romance very well. Far too well.
I had in my possession powerful emotional warheads and I had no idea that I needed to
be careful with them. I just started lobbing them around. I would have said anything to
get to see her naked. She would ask me serious big life questions like "You wouldn't want
to become a teenage father at age 15 would you? Especially if the child wasn't even yours."
And I would respond by telling her how much I really wanted to be with her and that I
would do my best to raise her child as my own. It wasn't even that I was lying at all
either; it was just that I had no idea what I was saying and what it really meant. To me it
was like no big deal. As long as I was going to get to see a naked girl at some point
what's the big deal about raising a baby? Hell, in fact, it even sounded like fun.
Now I had entered into a competition that I was unaware of. The race was on between me
and Sean and I was running in total darkness. When she said things like her parents were
forbidding anyone to walk her home today I just naively went home and watched tv. I had no
idea that meant she wanted Sean to walk her home. When she wrote me letters about Sean that
made me jealous I had no idea that that was the point. They were tests. She was trying to
find out which guy was more likely to stay and least likely to hurt her. She turned out
not to be pregnant at all. That was my first encounter with the "false alarm". It certainly
would not be the last.
When she turned out not to be pregnant the race seemed to shift. It seemed more like I
was winning. She had started coming over to my house a couple times and my mom made her
feel welcome. We held hands and touched each other gently. I kept waiting for the day to
come when she would finally be my girlfriend. That day finally came January 15th of 1986.
TLA&4E. That's how the love notes we passed back and forth ended. It meant True Love
Always and Forever. That was us. We were going to be in love forever. I had found true
eternal love on my very first try. Man I was good at this.
January 14th my mom and I were in a department store. I didn't even ask for one thing
for myself. I wanted to get a little stuffed teddy bear for Dori. Dori had been letting
me walk her home more and more. In fact she made a big production out of it by saying
"Oh I don't care what my parents think, I want to spend more time with you."
I started walking her to the corner of her block. We said many long goodbyes on the corner of Grant
and Gardner Streets. Buffalo's West Side has two main North to South oriented streets that I have
lived near the whole time I've been here. I lived on St. James which was right near Elmwood.
Elmwood is filled with quaint little ritzy shops and expensive homes. And Dori lived on the other
main North-South Street, Grant. Grant has liquor stores and Off-Track betting and rent-to-own
type stores and dilapidated houses. Her neighborhood was sort of like a Dodge Street for white
As the days went by I grew bolder and started walking her closer and closer to her house. Then I got
bold enough to walk her all the way to her back door. Then we got so bold as to start going inside her back
hall and talk for a while. She told me her father hated me. I had never even met the man so I thought that
was mighty unfair. That also meant that Sean got to come inside her house sometimes and I never did. From how
angry he sounded when he would call down the stairs for Dori to get her ass upstairs I had no trouble believing
that he hated me. It seemed a safe bet that he hated a lot of things. On January 15th though, we got to sit on
her back stairs undisturbed for quite a while. It may have even been more than 15 minutes. I gave her the
teddy bear. She looked happy. I had watched enough movies to know that it was time to kiss her. I kissed her.
She let me! It felt SO great. Then I asked her to go out with me. She said yes. And forever began.
Forever lasted for about a week. She had agreed to go out with me. She was my girlfriend.
She had not found a way to break up with Sean. She said she was trying, but it wasn't like I
had any idea when she and Sean got together. I now knew who he was. He was a freshman like me.
He was about my height and a little fatter. He smiled all the time, and why shouldn't he?
Most of the rare occasions when I caught a glimpse of him, he had his arm around my girlfriend.
After about a week I think she decided that I was the easier person to break up with so she
broke up with me instead. I wouldn't accept that as an answer. I put in overtime trying to
get her to see that we were meant to be. So she took me back. I had to pretend to believe
that she was going to break up with Sean when she got around to it, and then everything could
stay wonderful and I could still kiss her after school. Only now it was escalating. She was
promising to do things to me. Sex things. We usually couldn't because my mom was home from
work and I wasn't allowed at her house. But there was a day coming up on the calendar. A day
where my mother had to work but we had no school. She was telling me she was going to
come over to my house and do sex things to me and I KNEW that now I was going to get to see a
Seeing a girl naked
There was no school. I was watching some tv. Time was ticking by sooooo slowly. I had
on my blue jeans and my blue muscle t-shirt to show off my muscles. I was ready. Ready
to see a girl naked. I was so nervous you could have touched me and I'd have jumped up and run
straight into the wall. Then finally the doorbell rang. I ran down the stairs to get it.
It was HER. The girl that was going to be naked. She stamped off her boots from the snow
and I invited her upstairs. We kissed and then I invited her into my room. I was so smooth
that I already had my LL Cool J tape ready to go. We listened to it for a while. She stared
at me expectantly. I smiled back at her in total ignorance. I rapped all the words to the
LL Cool J tape. She continued to look at me expectantly. I made small talk and talked about
everything under the sun and showed her my drawings. She continued to look at me expectantly.
Hours went by with me talking and talking. She continued to look at me expectantly. Finally
she just came over to the place i was sitting on the bed and started kissing. "Finally!"
We laid down on the bed. I pulled the covers over us. I'm sure I was very grateful
they did not smell like pee. Then I put my hand on her breast. She let me. I put
my hand under her shirt. She let me. I put my hand under her bra. She let me.
I was touching it. Touching it! A naked breast! A breast was in my room and I was
touching it with my own hands. I got very, very hard. Now I wanted to see it. I pulled
up her shirt and bra. She let me. I could see it. Oh man it was beautiful. The most
beautiful thing I had ever seen ever. The most beautiful thing there could ever be.
It was so soft and rounded and tender and perfect. A naked breast for me to look at.
I was so happy. I kissed it. And licked it. I had seen a guy do that in a movie and the
girl really liked it. And when I did it to Dori she seemed to like it too. Then I kissed her.
And then the breast again. And then her again. And then the breast again. I went on like
that for a very long time. Then, satisfied, I just held her in my arms and snuggled her. We
fell asleep for a while but I had cleverly set my alarm clock to wake us before my mom got home
from work. The alarm went off and I rushed her to get dressed and we went out in the living
room like nothing had ever even happened. My mom would never have to know that I had touched a
naked breast in my bedroom. It would be my naughty little secret. When Dori had to go that
night I smiled at her slyly. I was so grateful to her for coming over and doing sex stuff.
She appeared pretty happy, but thinking back on it now she might not have been all that
Seeing Pictures of a Girl Naked
It wasn't so much seeing what a girl looked like naked that had me so enthused. That was
really old hat by the time I met Dori. Even seeing how a naked breast moved in 3 dimensions
was kind of old hat because we had HBO and Showtime on our tv. It was more the opportunity
to finally know what one felt like. How hard or soft one really was. These were the things
I needed to know.
I was the first kid on my block to see a picture of a girl naked. First by a wide margin.
There was no real challenge to it. My mother just up and gave it to me. I was about 4 or
5 years old and my mother gave me this big black and white picture book called Show Me. It
had lots of pictures and few words. But what words it did have told about where babies
come from. I was about the only kid that knew. My mother cautioned me not to tell the
other kids or to show any of my friends the book. She told me that every kid's parents
should be the one to tell them and that most kids wouldn't get told until they were older.
So I had to just sit on this information. I spent YEARS listening to ignorant kids in
my classes and their stupid guesses about where babies came from or how people had sex.
I had seen pictures of it, I had read about it, I knew that they had it all wrong but I
was sworn to secrecy. Finally when I was about 6 or 7 I couldn't take it any more and I
showed my best friend and my second best friend on Dodge Street the Show Me book. They
laughed and laughed and laughed at the pictures. I was trying to show them something
serious. I was trying to help these people. And all they could do was laugh at what a
naked old man looks like or a pregnant belly. Last time I ever share secret information
with these imbeciles.
In addition to giving the book to me, my mom was willing to talk to me about anything.
She explained a lot of stuff about sex to me. She told me lots of things about women
and romance and I started to realize there were a lot of things she said that I just
didn't believe. I didn't think she was lying to me. She seemed to always tell me the
truth if she knew it. I just didn't figure she knew a lot about dating and romance
anymore. Like all of her information was out of date since she never had a boyfriend
or husband or anything. Like for one thing she was always telling me that I was handsome
and that girls were going to start liking me after puberty (whenever that was). But she
had no idea how totally disinterested in me all the girls were at school. I had never
told her about the prettiest girl in second grade, but I knew what she would say. She
would say that the prettiest girl in second grade was wrong and that I wasn't ugly.
But she just didn't realize her own bias. She was always telling me everything I was doing
was so great and that everything I was was so great. She had no ability to look at me
and realize that I was not good looking.
When we moved further down the street on St. James place the kids there had cable. Naturally
I wanted it too. I wanted to see music videos and movies and cartoons all the time like they
did. So I begged for cable and we got it. And with cable came a second influx of naked women
to look at. This time they were in movies so in addition to what sex looked like I got to
figure out what sex sounded like. We used to get a cable guide to our house. I would sneak
it into my bedroom and dissect it looking for movies with the R-nudity
warning on them.
Many a night I would sneak back into the living room and watch a movie at 1 or 3 am while my
mother was sleeping. The movies would be repeated from time to time and I didn't want to get
caught so there was a whole list of movies where I knew how long into the movie one needed to
wait for the sex scene. Then I would just get up and watch the sex part real quick and then
go back to my bedroom to erm... be by myself for a while. I developed a few strange ideas
about sex since the majority of my information was now coming from R-Rated movies, but learning
is learning, and I was learning something
Then one fateful day I learned more than just the sights and sounds of sex. I found a deep
well of actual information. It was hidden in my mom's bedroom under her nightstand. It was
her collection of pornographic magazines. It wasn't like Playboy or Hustler magazines it was
the black and white newsprint type magazines where people write stories and submit them
and they're mostly all wildly distorted lies and messed up fantasies, but I was very young and
I didn't know the difference. I was learning the names for sex things. The real names that
adults were always careful not to let you hear. And I was learning fantastical seemingly
impossible things like people having sex using their mouth. Insane stuff like that. So what
if I was also learning that men and women always climax at the same time and that women always
have 100 orgasms every time they have sex, learning is learning.
Enough about sex, lets talk about my mother's bedroom
My mother's bedroom at our house further down the block on St. James Place was a wondrous
place. There was an extra room that went all the way to the back of the house. You could
look out the back window and see the garage and the tiny backyard. That extra room also
housed our record player so I had to go in there if I ever wanted to listen to records.
The first 45 I ever bought (with my own money) was "Hurt So Good" by John Couger. There was
no such person as John Mellencamp. I had no idea why anyone would write a song about Hurting
So Good but the kids at school liked it so I bought the record so I could know the words and
be cool. Or at least as cool as I was capable of.
The stash of porn magazines was a great place to go also. I remember sneaking into the stash
on many occasions and stealing a magazine from near the bottom and hiding it under my mattress.
I would remember the exact location it came from and the orientation of the magazine (cover
facing up or down and any angle it might have been tilted at). Sometimes I would see the picture
of a naked woman on the cover of a magazine at the top and I didn't dare remove the magazine
from her room so I'd read it in there and then return to my room to be alone for a while.
Then there was my mom's closet. My mom's closet was the object of fascination toward the end
of every year. My birthday is pretty close to Christmas and so toward the end of the year her
closet would become a treasure trove to hunt through. Sure all of the presents would be
wrapped but I could shake boxes and tell by the size of the boxes whether I was about to get
all of the toys that were vital to my continued survival.
As time went on my mother realized that I was sleuthing out what all my presents were ahead of
time and so she started hiding the presents in a crawlspace above the closet. Once I had to
start climbing up in there I found out what a cool place it was. It was almost like a
barn loft being up there looking out over the rest of the bedroom. There were old blankets and
stuff stashed in there so it was soft and warm and pleasant to be in there. I used to bring
little Rachel up there and we would play there or take a nap there and just enjoy the
ambiance of the place. Oh wait. You don't know who little Rachel is. Okay. You have to know
about the Rachels and stuff.
Okay. There are two Rachels. If there are more Rachels than that then they don't
really matter or at least don't matter within the text of my autobiography. Telling
you all about little Rachel will take a lot longer so I'll tell you about big Rachel
Rachel is one of the Soffins. The Soffins are about the only relatives I have left in
Buffalo. BUT, they aren't related to me. Through my whole life it's just been the
case that most of my relatives aren't blood relatives at all and most of the people
related to me by blood aren't really my relatives. The way the Soffins are really
related to me is that Rose (the matriarch of the Soffin clan) was my mom's coworker
and dear friend for more than a decade and probably almost two decades. So my mom
and Rose were super close and me and the Soffin kids were pretty close too. I'm helping
Rachel move tomorrow and I wouldn't dream of asking her for money, and I'm totally broke
and I have very little time. To me... that's pretty close. That doesn't mean we see
each other often at all, but if one of the Soffins needs a favor... I'm there.
Rachel's the oldest of the Soffins. Deborah is next and then Jonathan and Daniel.
They are all really quality people. They are all seemingly doing well and achieving
great things too. They are all younger than me and Rachel is the only one that's really
close to me in age. And me and Rachel and Deborah went to take certification courses
for kids together. Deborah was technically too young but she's really smart so they
bent the rules a little. We all became certified babysitters and lifeguards at a young
age. Oh, and all of the Soffins are very good looking folks. That's one of the first
things you'd notice about them all if you saw them. Oh, and they're biracial like me so
we all have that in common too. Their mom, Rose, is black and their dad, Barry, is white.
They have the best attributes of both. Like I said, they're good lookin.
Me and Rachel Soffin about to go to the prom.
So Rachel is close to me in age, attractive and reasonably successful and all that.
If you're male you're wondering if we ever dated. Well, no. Not really. Rachel was
my date to the prom but that's all. And it wasn't like it was a charity date or anything
like that where I couldn't get a prom date and parents had to be called in or anything.
Rachel had pretty much announced to me that she was going to be my prom date long before
I had ever had a real date or ever met Dori or anything. She's like that. She likes to
announce things and tell people what they're going to do. Or at least she used to at
that age. I spent all of high School not having to worry about who I was going to take
to the prom because I knew before I'd ever even set foot in the school.
Yeah, so she's pretty strong-willed and self-assured and has lots of what one would call
attitude. I'd like to say that the reason I never dated her was because I don't like people
who have lots and lots of attitude, but that would only be half the truth. The more important
half of the truth is that I was always scared of her. Frightened. Even at the prom and the
whole prom night I just mostly did whatever she told me to do as not to incur her wrath.
Okay, good, so now I've told you a bit about the Soffins. That's good. Keep them in mind
because they're important in my life. But now... time for you to find out who little Rachel
is and that whole thing.
Okay. I lived at two different places on St. James Place. I lived right at the end of the block for a few
years and then we moved to the middle of the block. It's a long block.
Anyway... so I had known since I was a little boy, sort of, how babies were made. But then we
moved half way down the block and I got to see one being made. Well, not that I actually saw my
landlady Kathy while she was copulating or anything like that, but I mean I got to see her
baby growing in her stomach. And actually I probably got to hear her while they were making
little Rachel too. Little Rachel's father liked to come over to the house and chase Kathy
all around the house. You could hear them running and laughing and I mean literally running
like little kids. Then he'd finally catch her I guess and then there'd be some sex noises
and then soon after that Kathy's belly started growin.
This was a fascinating thing to watch on a daily basis. Kathy's belly would get bigger and
bigger and that was because there was a baby inside of it. INCREDIBLE! I was like 9 or 10
years old and Kathy was always telling me when the baby was kicking and letting me feel it.
Kathy was our landlady but she was also very much like a friend to me. She wasn't very old
and she was very, very nice and she spent a lot of time watching me whenever my mom had to
stay late at work or do something else. Actually, as a matter of fact I went downstairs to
Kathy's house a lot even if my mom was home. She was a fun person to talk to and in case
I've forgotten to mention it, she had a BABY IN HER BELLY!
Here's little Rachel with her mother Kathy
Then at the end of Spring that year little Rachel was born. She was the most beautiful thing
that had ever been. She was so tiny and innocent and pure. Later in life I developed the same
kind of fear that I had of dirty dishes and laundry for dirty diapers. Or maybe I just didn't
like to change diapers so I convinced myself I was afraid. Maybe it didn't make any logical
sense to be afraid of dirty clothes and not be afraid of dirty diapers so talking myself into
it was easy. Doesn't really matter now since dirty diapers nor dirty clothes phase me very
much any more. And way back in those days I didn't even think about it. Little Rachel went
through a whole lot of diapers and a lot of the time it was me who changed em.
Oh. Check this out. I just remembered that the first time I saw a naked breast in person
wasn't Dori. It was Kathy. She breast-fed little Rachel for quite a while and adult people
never even tried to stop me. It was crazy. Another reason to love babies. I guess this will
happen from time to time in this autobiography thing. I will tell you one thing and then
remember something different and then tell you that the first thing was wrong. Yeah, I like
that idea a lot better than going back and finding the part that I told wrong and rewriting
it. So um, yeah... I got to see one or the other of Kathy's breasts on a regular basis.
The adults would pretend that it was natural and nothing out of the ordinary, and it was my
duty to pretend not to be too excited, but hell, I was 10 and it was breasts. So sue me.
But then after the breast feeding, Rachel went to solid foods and all that. I fed her all
the time and got to wear a lot of food in my hair and clothes. I loved Rachel. Still do.
She's another relative that's not a blood relative. She grew up calling me 'cousin Alex'
but I thought of her more like my little sister. Actually I often felt more like I was
her 3rd mother. See, because I grew up around a TON of women and not a whole lot of men
really so I have what you might call a well-developed female empathy. There was no question
that Kathy was Rachel's mom, and a super mom she was, but little Rachel also spent so much
time up at our house that she often called my mom mom. I never called my mom mom, I called
her by her first name, Sue, but Rachel called her mom sometimes and my mom was very much like a
2nd mom. And I was like a 3rd mom. I had a very maternal sense about Rachel. Like if
anything had ever tried to harm her I'd have reacted like a mother lion. When I got linoleum
from my mom to breakdance on in my living room, I was teaching little Rachel to breakdance
right along with me. And you best believe she had some fresh little 3 year old moves too.
a recent picture of Little Rachel
and baby Matt
When I went to my 8th grade dance little Rachel went with us to the department store to
help shop for the last minute clothes. She even cried when she was not allowed to go in
the 8th grade dance with me because she wanted to breakdance with me. Hell, I'm sure
she'd have been a lot more help than my friend Dave. When I discovered the cool crawlspace
above my mom's closet I shared the security and warmth of that place with her. And when
I had not cried in 16 years and finally broke down the tear barrier and cried at my mother's
memorial service it was because of something that little Rachel said.
Little Rachel is a mom herself now and doing pretty well from what I hear. I was glad that
my mother got to see one of Rachel's children before she passed on. Rachel wasn't technically
her daughter so it's not really the same as if my mom had gotten to see a grandchild, but
well it was sort of like that. Bringing the little one over really made my mom happy so
I was glad for it.
Okay, now where was I in the Dori Story?
Good question. Where was I in the Dori story? Oh yes. I had just seen her naked
breast and spent a hot and scandalous afternoon fully involved in some very tawdry
Well not long after that we moved away from St. James Place over into the edge of
the lower West Side. I'll tell you more about that place later but the important
detail about the move is that now the house was a lot smaller and more cheaply made
and the walls were thin and anything that went on in any room in the house could
easily be heard in any other room in the house.
That was the bad news. The good news was that Dori was coming over a lot more
often. And some of those times my mom wouldn't be home because she'd have to go out
grocery shopping or to a meeting or whatever. I was very eager to see the breasts
again and one night when we were home alone she did me one better and got fully
naked. That was super! I got to gaze at her in her full nakedness for as long as
I wanted. She was looking at me like she was expecting something, but I didn't
really notice because I wasn't really looking at her face. I would walk her
home at night and tell her how much fun I was having and she must have been really
starting to wonder what was going on.
So you know what happened next? At school she asked me if I was a VIRGIN? WHAT?
A virgin??? Hell NO! I had sex lots of times before. Lots. Um... yeah. Think
Alex. Uh... The only thing I could think of was to bring back my mom's Scrabble
friend's daughter. So now not only was she my unwitting girlfriend, but she had
now become my ex-lover. Because I was not going to be a 15 year old virgin!!!
Hell no! Better to be a liar than be that. I had talked to a lot of freshmen and
none of them were virgins. No way! So neither was I. Absolutely not. I was just...
er... just... um, I was just willing to take things slow. Yeah. That was it. I
was a gentleman. A NOT virgin and a gentleman.
Me, Dori & the Soffins
Then my lie had unintended consequences. Dori got JEALOUS. Oh Happy Day! Make a
Joyful noise! The shoe was on the other foot now. I didn't have to be the one
jealous about Sean all the time, now Dori was jealous of a girl who was blissfully
unaware that I had ever even thought about her. And for good measure I made sure
Dori knew who big Rachel was and knew that she was going to be my prom date. That
REALLY made Dori mad. She wanted to fight Rachel. Now I was getting some results.
Dori was wanting to come over more and more and she became more aggressive in
telling me how wonderful I was. I was starting to like lying.
Dori was starting to get more explicit in the notes she passed to me in school.
She said she wanted to see ME naked. Oh no! I thought I had some muscles going
on at that time so I had taken my shirt off in front of her a lot of times but...
well, I mean she was talking about wanting to see my thing!!! No way!
Okay. So then we were in my room. My mom was home but we were in my room
with the door closed and we had learned to whisper quietly at all times. She
said it was time for me to get naked. I boldly took my shirt off and even took
my pants off and stood there in my underwear hoping that she could get her thrills
that way. But no, she wanted the full monty. I got completely naked and she
seemed very, very unimpressed. She even commented that it was kinda small. But
I wasn't really worried. In fact I was completely unworried. I had seen lots
of pictures and read a lot about penises and I knew that how big a penis was when
it was soft had nothing to do with how big one was when it was hard. I told her
to bring the naked breasts back out and we'd see what she had to say then. So
she stripped naked and my penis came to life and she did in fact change her mind.
Now she was very impressed. She wanted to touch it and do things to it. Hell no!
Was she crazy??? My mom was home. I told her that we'd better get dressed before
my mom started getting suspicious. And sure enough not even 10 minutes later my mom
popped her head in my room to suggest that maybe it was time to walk Dori home.
See! Who knows what would have happened if Dori had been able to talk me into
whatever crazy plan was on her mind.
My 1st girlfriend's boyfriend
So Dori was still feeling the jealousy of all these other girls in my life. Trying
to find ways to ask me without actually coming out and asking me why it was that I
had had sex with this other girl but wouldn't have sex with her. And she kept telling
me that she was just waiting for the time to be right and that she was going to leave
Sean. And then sometimes she would tell me that she had left Sean and already told
him that she wasn't interested in him BUT that her parents still made Sean come over
to her house. And then she would tell me what a big penis I had. And what a nice
penis I had. And how my penis was so great. And I was 15 years old and there was no
way I could possibly disbelieve her about Sean. I mean he might be the guy that was
allowed to come over to her house, sure, but I was the guy with the big and nice penis.
So obviously I won. Who cares if Sean occasionally got to spend the night over her
house, she told me nothing happened between them and I believed her. Why would anything
happen just because he spent the night? After all, I was the guy with the most wonderful
penis. Not him. Hell no dawg. Me. I was the penis guy.
Now I guess it wasn't enough that this menace had to continuously take advantage of the
fact that Dori's parents made her spend time with him, but NOW this being of ultimate
evil was actually starting to corrupt my friends. I had high school buddies of mine trying to
tell me that he wasn't really such a bad guy or even going so far as to say he was a
nice person. Those people just didn't see the evil. But I saw it. My girlfriend
wanted me and only me and yet he had to keep manipulating the situation and putting
himself in the way. And a couple times he even tried to talk to me but I was having none
of that. Dori had warned me that he might try to talk to me one day and she had cautioned
me about the lies that he might tell so I wasn't even going to give him a chance to
start lying. I was going to say as little as possible and wait until me and Dori were
old enough to live on our own and we could buy a house where her parents wouldn't make
her have to hang around with Sean anymore. And she would probably even let me look at her
breasts every single day. Yes sir. I had it ALL figured out.
I Hit a Girl Before
I'm a pacifist. A very non-violent person. I've never really been in a fist-fight. I'm
glad I can say that. It is something I hope to be able to proudly tell my kids someday.
That I managed to make it through life without ever having to resort to violence to
resolve something. And I'd also like to say that I've never hit a woman before. But that
isn't really true. And the whole thing about never being in a fist-fight is true but with
an asterisk after it.
I hit a girl. It was Dori. I hit her right in the face. It was an accident, but I felt
so bad that I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. It was so stupid. Me and Dori
had this thing that we did. Whenever we were mad at each other. I would punch my fist
into my hand right next to her face, and that would let her know that I was really mad at
her. When she was mad she would slap her hand right next to my face and that let me know
she was really mad. Somehow it honestly never did occur to me that that was a stupid
thing to do. I had punched right near her face hundreds of times and so it was no big deal.
It was just a thing we did. It was fun. Or funny. Or something. But it wasn't funny
when I accidentally hit her. Hard. And she started crying. And looking at me with that
look of betrayal. And I wished that I could just die. No. That wasn't funny at all. I
must have apologized a hundred times and after she stopped crying she said it was alright
and that she understood that it was an accident but that didn't make me feel any better.
That punching the fist thing was over with right then and there. She was so wonderful that
she accepted that it was an accident and I would never hurt her again and that would be the
end of it.
That wasn't the end of it. The next day in school Sean let it be known that he was going
to beat me up after school. In fact he was saying crazy things about how he was willing to
be tolerant about me always hanging around "his" girlfriend but now I had punched a girl in
the face and that was totally not cool under any circumstances and he was now going to beat me
up after school to teach me my lesson. That was fine with me. I welcomed it. I had put up
with his evil ways for far too long and even though I had never been in a fight before I knew
fully well that I was going to beat the living dog snot out of him. I knew this because I
hated him far more than he could ever have possibly hated me. And no matter how much he
misunderstood what had happened to Dori and how mad it might have made him, it was NOTHING
compared to how mad I was. I was furious with myself for being so stupid as to have hurt
my beloved Dori. Even accidentally. But since I couldn't pummel myself into the ground I
was willing to use Sean as a proxy for myself. I was mad at Dori because no matter what she
said it just seemed like maybe she could have tried harder to find some way to get her parents
to stop making her spend time with Sean. And I had already hit her and could never do so again,
so I was willing to take that out on Sean too. And then there was the anger I genuinely did
have for Sean. Who was HE to be telling ME about what goes on in my bedroom with my own
girlfriend. And I knew that somehow he had done some secret thing to make Dori's parents hate
me and like him. Man I was ready to beat him senseless over that. I wasn't going to say a word
I was just going to start his beating the moment I saw him and not stop until the ambulance came.
We were scheduled to meet up for the fight directly after school at Colonial Circle. The moment
school ended I marched straight down there to wait for him. And I waited. For a long time.
Finally after I realized that he wasn't going to show up I went home. But if he had showed his
face I doubt I'd be able to say that I've lived my life without being in a fistfight. So I'm very
grateful now that he didn't show.
I learned the next day that he couldn't make it to the fight because he had swim practice
or something like that. I guess teaching me a lesson for hitting a girl wasn't as important
as swim practice. I think I even remember him making some argument that I knew he had swim
practice or something like that and that he had meant that I was supposed to wait until
after swim practice for us to fight. I'm not sure if I'm remembering that right or not
but I think i remember it resolving itself somehow with both of us claiming that the other
had chickened out.
Almost and Sort Of Fistfights
Today I was helping big Rachel move into her new apartment. We had just arrived at her floor
in her old apartment and the elevator doors opened and a guy stepped on to the elevator as we
were exiting. He said something to Rachel but I don't think he recognized me. Half way down
the hall to her apartment I asked her if she knew whether or not that guy's name was Daryl.
She said that it was and asked how I knew him. I almost got in a fight with that guy I replied.
It is a small world after all because there are VERY few people I've ever almost gotten into a
fight with. My almost fight against Dori's other boyfriend Sean was by far the closest I ever
came to committing acts of serious violence. My almost fight against Daryl was by far the
dumbest fight I ever almost got into.
In the 7th grade a group of boys was starting trouble by asking the weaker looking and nerdiest
kids who they thought they could beat up. They were trying to start a fight among some of the
kids who were least likely to fight. They had asked Daryl who they thought he could beat up
and he listed me as one of the few people he figured it was safe to say he could beat up. It
was a well known fact that I was a pacifist and I went around telling people that fighting was
against my religion as I had been instructed to do by my mother. Daryl felt that I was a safe
choice and an impressive choice since I was a fairly big guy for my age.
The boys that had been starting this whole thing approached me with this information that
Daryl thought he could beat me. I replied that I doubted that was true. That was just my
objective opinion based on our sizes weight. So they then went back to Daryl and whipped him
into a fervor telling him that I thought I could beat him and questioning his manhood. Daryl
announced that he and I were gonna fight and that I had better run home after school because
he was going to find me and beat me up. As the school day went on there was more and more
interest in this arranged fight. Everyone seemed interested in what was going to happen
except me. When the bell rang and the school day had ended, my friend Dave and I got our
coats and were walking slowly around the block to St. James Place. We were about 50 yards
down the block when we heard a commotion. We turned back and saw a huge mass of kids turn
the block behind us with Daryl out in front. Dave suggested to me that maybe I had better
run. I still thought the whole thing was totally dumb.
The mob walked quickly to catch up to us and Daryl got in front of me. He seemed very mad
and he was yelling very loud. Demanding that I tell him to his face that I thought I could
beat him. I tried to calmly defuse the situation by just asking him what difference did it
make who could beat who? The crowd of people started egging him on and he seemed to get more
determined to fight. Okay, now here was my problem. I liked Daryl. I had always thought we
were sort of friends and I couldn't imagine myself hurting him. Yet with the frame of mind
he was in, he seemed like he would have been happy to hurt me a whole lot. So that seemed
like a very stupid fight for me to enter into. So I just told him that I wasn't going to fight
him and that if he wanted to think he could beat me up that was fine with me. He was still
mad and trying to save face. He clarified one more time that if I did not fight him then
that meant I was chicken and that he won the fight. I let him know I was perfectly happy
with that arrangement and that he totally won the fight and so then he and the big mass of
Almost Fight with a different Sean
One of the strangest fights I was ever in was a fight with my very good friend Sean who
lived near me on St. James Place. When I moved to the middle of the block I eventually made
two very close friends. There was Matt who was my best friend and Sean who was my second
best friend. I think I was also Matt's best friend and Sean was his second best friend.
Most of the time this arrangement didn't make much difference since we were all great friends
and had great fun playing together. Under the surface though Sean sometimes got a little
aggravated by the way it all worked.
You see, I had all kinds of toys. G. I. Joe and Star Wars and He Man figures and all that
which were in steady supply from my mom. Matt's family was always the first on the block to
have computers and VCRs and all of the cool new devices that were a wonder to behold for kids.
Sean was just a fun guy to hang out with but he didn't have anything either of us needed so
there was no pressure to make him our best friend or be nice to him if we were in a bad mood.
I in particular used to really treat him like a red-headed step child sometimes even though
all three of us had been through a lot together and almost always got along really well.
One day Sean had just had enough. I don't know if I pushed him or told him to go home or made
him feel second class in some way but he just really came after me. We were sort of in a fight
because he really wanted to hurt me bad. He was telling me that he was sick of me and he was
swinging at me and really trying hard to connect. Both Matt and Sean were a couple years
younger than me and Sean was really kind of skinny so I can't say that I was really scared or
anything. I just didn't have any good idea for what to do about the fact that one of my
best friends was trying to pummel me. So, since nothing really came to mind, I grabbed one of
his swinging arms and put him in an arm bar and just held him like that. Had no idea what to
do next. He was trying to kick backward at me and he was demanding that I let him go. I asked
him if he was going to stop attacking me and instead of answering he continued to try to attack
me with his legs. Okay so at this point I was just going to wait for an adult to come by so
that I could ask the adult to escort Sean home or something like that. A long time went
by like that with me holding him in a wrestling hold and him trying to kick me and no one
around on the whole street.
Finally someone did come around but he was no help. It was a kid who lived down the block.
A kid a few years older than myself who was sort of a bully or a troublemaker or something.
He was riding by on his bike and he stopped and asked us if we were really fighting. Sean
angrily announced that we were fighting and that he was going to kill me. I said that I
wasn't really fighting I was just waiting for my mother to get home. So the kid on the
bike just sat there and watched. Sean still tried to kick me. I think he tried to find a
way to bite me. He was really mad. And on and on like that it went. Finally the kid on
the bike got bored and went home and I tried to get Sean to calm down. He never got even
a little bit more calm. He was able to sustain a rage like that for over an hour.
Finally my mom did get home from work and she told Sean to go home. It was a good thing
she did too because my arms were getting tired. The next day Sean, Matt and I were best
friends again like nothing had ever happened.
Almost Fights with Dunk People and Stuff
One time I was walking Dori home and this one kid Louis was drinking on the corner on Grant
Street with a few of his friends. He asked us to stop and have a drink. I told him that
I didn't drink. He got mad about that for some reason and started yelling at me. Then
he seemed to calm down and he asked me to shake his hand. I went to shake his hand and
he punched me in the nose. I staggered back and shook it off. I had always wondered what
it felt like to get punched in the nose. I can't really say I cared for it much. Louis'
friends quickly swung into action and held him back and tried to get him back across the
street to his house. I grabbed Dori and we ran back to her house. I took a different
route home but I was still very mad about being punched in the nose.
I went home and told my mom that I had been punched in the nose. I was mad about it and
wanted her to explain to me again why when someone punches me in the nose I'm not supposed to
punch them right back. She just explained that it wasn't the Quaker way and that we were
pacifists and blah, blah, blah and that if I was really all that mad about it then I should
go fill out a police report. The Police precinct house was only a block and a half away so
I walked over and I filled out a police report. Years later my mom and I talked about the
incident and she informed me that she only told me that because she thought I wouldn't do it.
Even after I left the house she said she thought I would get to the Police Station and
reconsider. I didn't. I was mad. I filed assault charges and then I had a court date
and everything. My mother was mad because she had to take off from work to take me to court.
Louis never showed up and all that happened was they issued some kind of leagal thingamajig
that said he had to stay at least 50 feet away from me at all times. That was kind of cool.
I had the power to make him have to stay away from places just by showing up there. As a kid
I thought it was kind of funny. I had developed a sense of entitlement from living on
Saint James Place and he had developed a a criminal record from living on Grant Street
and when I think back on it, the part that he was really angry about was because I thought
I was better than him. I faintly recall how annoyingly arrogant I was at that age and I
might have been tempted to punch me too.
Then one time when I was in my late teens there were two sisters, Jo and Tracy. Tracy was
the second girlfriend I ever had. Our relationship lasted for almost
24 hours but not quite.
But I was interested in JoJo before I was interested in Tracy. Mostly because I met her
first. I had gone with the Soffin girls at a young age to get certified as a lifeguard.
Lifeguard jobs were hard to get for someone my age but pool attendant jobs were easy. So
when I moved from St. James to Winter Street I used to work as a pool attendant in the
summer. I met Josaphene --yeah, that's why she had everyone call her Jo-- at the pool one day
And I got to know Jo fairly well. I thought she was cute. My friend Jerry had been organizing
trips to the movies in his van. It was mostly a collection of nerdish guys and my friend J.T.'s
girlfriend usually, but occasionally one of us guys would convince a woman to
come along in Jerry's death trap of a van. Well I asked Jo if she wanted to come along to
the movies and she said yes. I thought that was awesome. She was really pretty and would
impress all of my friends. And that's what was important.
And impress them she did. We went to see Princess Bride but I never really saw much of the
ending of the movie because Jo and I were too busy tongue-fencing. And I could hear my
friends further down in the row whispering about us so I knew that they were thinking I
was pretty hot shit and figuring that Jo was gonna be my girlfriend. We all figured that
was how it worked. If a girl's gonna put her tongue down your mouth you figure there's a
pretty good chance she's gonna be your girlfriend.
On the drive home back to her house to drop her off Jo and I sat separately in the back of
the van. She let me put my arm around her and we were close together whispering. I figured
she must already be my girlfriend by now with all the kissing we'd done but I figured I'd
make it official by letting her know how much I liked her and asking her if we were going
out. She said that under no circumstances was I to think of myself as her boyfriend. She
let me know that she already had a boyfriend and that she and I were not anything to each
other or ever going to be.
Here again I was rather deflated. At least Dori had had the common decency to let me know
she had a boyfriend BEFORE she kissed me. Jo and I had been kissing and petting an hour
before in a darkened theater and now she drops this on me? WTF? She kept on talking to
me as though everything was cool but I think I just started to space out. I have no idea
what my facial expression must have looked like but it couldn't have been too good. Then
she started telling me that I should be glad that I'm such a nice guy and how I'm funny
and blah, blah, blah. That did little to cheer me up. So then she said if I really
wanted a girlfriend I should talk to her sister because her sister Tracy thought I was
cute. Well, I thought Tracy was cute to, except for the fact that she was only 14 years
old. I had recently turned 17 I think and Jo was almost 18 and I told Jo that I wasn't
going to date a 14 year old. She shrugged and just started looking out the window waiting
for us to get her home so she could leave. I guess my consternation was making her
I started to think about it more. Okay, yeah she was only 14 but she wouldn't be 14 forever.
Maybe I would really like her if I got to know her more. She was certainly very pretty.
I thought about it for a little while and came to the realization that I was desperate enough
to date anybody. Why was I even kidding myself and pretending like I had standards such as
14 being too young? That was my mom talking. Not how I
really felt. And my mom would get
over it if I needed her to.
My 2nd Girlfriend Ever
Okay. I realize that I was right in the middle of telling you about almost fights with drunks
and junkies, and I was right in the middle of the Dori story before that, and now I've skipped
ahead in time, but oh well. You'll survive. It ties in with my almost fights with drunk people
so that's how we got off on this tangent in case you were wondering.
Tracy was the youngest of three kids. All three were very slim. They didn't have a lot of
money. I had known them for a while but I hadn't seen them very frequently. First I had
just seen Jo and Tracy once in a while at the swimming pool where I worked. Then there was
one night when I had first gotten my drivers license and I was taking the station wagon out
and having a really good ol time and my mother was a nervous wreck. She was certain that
something terrible had happened to me and I had died in a terrible 80 car pile up somewhere.
That's sort of why I was always a little skeptical when my mom used to tell me she had "mothers'
intuition" and could feel when I was in trouble. She also used to tell me she could sense when
I was about to get home. Well, that particular night she seemed to have no idea that I wasn't
coming home until it got dark because my license said I could drive until dark. She also seemed
to have no idea that I was perfectly fine and the car was all in one piece.
Well when I got home my mom had Tracy, Jo and their mom up on our front porch talking
to her. They didn't even know each other before then so the only way I can think that they
would have even started talking was if my mom was asking every single person that passed by on
the street if they'd seen a yellow station wagon. Then probably she described me and Jo and
Tracy probably said they knew me. Then my mom probably made them come up on the porch and
talk to her to distract her from her worry or something like that. I'm just guessing.
Anyway later that night my mom was trying to convince me that I should go on a date with
Jo. I was still dating Dori, I was not interested in dating anyone that was not Dori and
I was kind of tired of my mom trying to get me to. I think at that point my mom was just
looking for anything at all that would turn my attention away from Dori even a little bit
but I'll get back to that later. Anyway, at some point after Dori and I went our separate
ways I did think more about dating Jo and then Jo did agree to go out on a date with me but
that ended up being that whole mess about her tongue kissing me and then having a boyfriend.
Now, I was about to turn my attention to Tracy which my mom probably wouldn't appreciate
since she was 14 but I was so desperate I was willing to fight with my mom over it.
Yes or No Question
Jo had shoulder length dark hair that I really liked. Tracy had brownish-blond really
long hair that I liked even more. They had a brother who was a few years older than Jo
who had bright blonde hair. In addition to their thinness they were all a little pale
and not exactly healthy looking. Tracy had budding breasts that weren't fully developed
but I still very much wanted to see them and be with her over a long period of time to
watch them grow to full magnificence.
Tracy was sort of shy and sort of not. She would sometimes do very bold things and she
seemed to have no regard for the law at all. Very rebellious. But there were also a lot
of things she'd never had the opportunity to do and she was very scared in some of those
areas. One thing it seemed to me she might never have done before was have a boyfriend.
She seemed really scared of the whole idea. She liked to spend time with me and we
laughed a lot and had fun but any time I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend
she either didn't answer me or she just said I don't know or something like that.
Looking back at it now I think she might have been scared about what my expectations
would be if we were to become official. I mean, knowing me, I probably would have been
content to ogle her breasts, but she might have had a much different mental picture of
what I was after and what I was capable of. Back then though, I had absolutely no clue
what her problem was. I was treating her good and we had fun together and I so totally
NEEDED a girlfriend so what was she waiting for? Why couldn't she just say yes and then
I could finally be happy. maddening.
Tracy also had a lot of responsibilities for her age. She had babysitting to do and
she didn't even get to keep the money she made because her family needed it. Plus the
kids she had to watch were a total handful and she was still a kid herself and not always
a very responsible one. Not that I can say I was mr. responsibility either. One time I
let her drive the car in downtown Buffalo and she couldn't even keep the car on the right
side of the yellow line. We both were immature enough to just think it was funny.
I started showing up to her babysitting job and she and I would talk on the front porch
of the babysitting house and she'd sort of keep one eye on the kids. One day on that
porch I told her that I was tired of her not giving me an answer. I told her that I was
going to ask her one more time to be my girlfriend and she was going to have to either
tell me yes or tell me no but I wasn't going to ask her anymore. And I told her she
could think about it but that she had better give me an answer before I left.
So she said she'd think about it. And we'd talk. Every once in a while I'd ask her if she
was still thinking about it and she'd say she was still thinkin. We talked more and finally
it was getting close to the time when the lady she babysat for would be getting home from
work. So I told her I was about to leave and waited for her answer. She just stood there
quietly. So then I walked down the steps, she still didn't say anything. Got in the car
rolled down the window she was still standing there on the porch. Finally I started to
drive away and she screamed out "YES" as I pulled away.
That was pretty cool. Tracy was cool like that. I had given up hope of her giving me
any answer at all and then she said yes at the very last moment. Finally she was my
girlfriend. That was such a great night. I was so happy I could hardly go to sleep.
I had finally figured out how to penetrate her defenses with the trusty old ultimatum
trick. I was going to just take everything nice and slow and be understanding about how
nervous she was. I would leave everything up to her and just be satisfied with the fact
that she was my girlfriend.
The next day she didn't have babysitting so I went to her house. I rang the doorbell and
waited hoping to see her lovely face and was instead greeted by her brother. Her brother
was high. He was always high. Not just a little high but way
high. He sniffed coke.
I'm guessing on a daily basis. His eyes were all red and he looked out of it but also
really angry. He angrily asked if I was there to see his sister and I nervously responded
that I was. He told me to keep away from his sister. He said that his sister had a
boyfriend and that her boyfriend was over six foot tall and that this boyfriend was inside
the house and wanted to come outside and stomp me into the ground with his big black combat
boots. I started to wonder how many times was this going to happen to me. I seemed to have
a talent for only picking women who already had boyfriends. But then somewhere in his
rantings about how big and strong this guy was that was waiting behind the door to pummel
me he mentioned that it was Jo's boyfriend. I explained that I wasn't there to see Jo,
that I was there to see Tracy. Then he stopped talking for a minute. He thought about it.
Then he told me I couldn't see Tracy either because she was only 14 years old.
My second relationship pretty much ended just like that. Less than 24 hours and of that
I hadn't even gotten to spend any of the time we were a couple actually face to face with
her. I saw her later and asked her what was up and she figured it was best if we just
let the matter drop and not risk angering her brother because she had to live in the same
house with him and he was somewhat of a lunatic. I was really afraid he was going to
start hitting me that day on the porch. He was so wildly irrational and angry. He was
almost twenty years old or something like that and I was very afraid of coked out people
that are much older than me.
It was odd. Her brother had seen me hanging out with Tracy more and more. He had even
begged me for rides to various places and I would give him a ride. At first I would give
him a ride because I wasn't aware he was going to buy drugs. Then I continued to give him
a ride because I was kind of scared of him or at least scared to be on his bad side if I
was going to need to be going to a house where he was going to be on a regular basis.
He didn't seem to have any problem with me and then one day out of the blue he's ruining
my life. Well, story of my love life I suppose.
The East Side Where They Fight For Real
I spent the first 8 years of my life on the East Side. I was lucky not to get
into any fights in that time. I've lived the rest of my life on the West Side and so
fortunately all of the almost fights I've gotten into here have been pretty dumb and
totally mild. In the 1990s though I worked on the East Side as a mentor for an
after school program for a couple years. I got to see quite a few very real fights
in those days. There was a whole culture of violence that was like a war zone that
I was trying to keep the kids in my charge away from.
Specifically, I was the mentor for the computer lab. You could pretty much keep the
violence to a minimum in the computer lab since most of the kids in the lab were the
ones looking to escape the violence in the first place. Sometimes though for one
reason or another I would be in the gym mentoring basketball. I like basketball. I'm
good at it. The program had some young kids that were much better though. Basketball
was taken pretty seriously at the program. The whole program had three different
branches in three different schools. For a while they tried inter-program basketball
games where they would bus a team and some spectators from one school over to another
school for a basketball game.
There was one game that was getting pretty ugly. They played a little basketball once
in a while in between the fighting. I don't think they ever got to finish the game I
think the administration just called it and tried an organized retreat of the visiting
team back to the bus. The organized retreat became very disorganized and before you
know it all of the kids were all outside and it looked like there was about to be a
fight of about 20 teenagers vs. 20 other teenagers. I REALLY did not want any part of
that but it was my job I guess, as part of the staff, to do something. The Assistant
director of the program was a really huge guy and he ran right into the middle of the
fray so even though I didn't want to I started following him toward it also, ready to
do whatever I could. I don't know how but somehow the Assistant Director managed to
break up the whole thing pretty much single-handedly. There was so much chaos everywhere
I have no idea how he restored order but I was very glad that he did because I really had
no idea what I was going to do when I got to the center of the commotion.
That's pretty much all I can think of for my near brushes with violence. Oh, except that
one time when Jerry almost beat me up. But I still haven't really told you who Jerry is
yet. I'll get to that soon.
Scars, Battle Damage & Serious Injuries
Okay. A brief trip around my body. Ready? Set. Go.
I have a scar on the side of my right arm. That big tree that I climbed to get away
from my gramma that wasn't really my gramma used to have a chain link fence in front
of it at one point. That's where I used to dig the hole. I was trying to tunnel under
the fence and I used to climb the fence to get to the lower tree branches to start
climbing. One day I reached for a tree branch and missed and fell and impaled my arm on
the top of the chain link fence. It left a seriously deep cut. It took me a long time
to get myself unhooked from the fence so that I could go run crying to my mother. She
put a band-aid on it. It's left a pretty cool lifelong scar.
The longest scar I ever had is gone! I just went to look for it in the first time in
years and it's not there anymore. Or maybe I'm not looking right or I have too much leg
hair or something but it was a very long scar and very prominent so it must be gone now.
I was playing basketball one time at the house next door to my uncle Walter's in Pittsburgh.
The ball took a wild bounce and headed over a short fence into my uncle's yard. I took a
run to jump over the fence and caught my leg on the fence and cut myself. It was a shallow
cut but it was about 9 inches long. It left a scar for many years but it doesn't appear to
be there anymore. Lemme check again. Okay, I found it. You can see it a tiny bit in the
right light. For a minute I thought I was going crazy.
I have some odd piece of skin thing that hangs off my left arm. It just started growing
there one day. *shrug*
I have stretch marks on my arms from when I stopped working out when I was younger.
I once broke a pencil tip off in my palm. It's still there.
When I entered puberty I did get taller and a bit slimmer and stopped wetting the bed and
all that was nice, but man did I ever start getting hit with the zits. I had like no fewer
than four going on my face at any given time for many years. Sure, I've seen worse, but I
really didn't care for it. It didn't leave any permanent scars, but there's a weird patch
on the back of my neck that is sort of like razor bumps where there's just nastiness going
on. I'm kinda glad its on the back of my head where I don't have to look at it. I used to
wear my hair long to try to hide it but then I stopped caring and started shaving my head.
Presently I'm letting my hair grow out for my someone special so I guess it's not visible
I have a dead tooth. I don't remember exactly how it happened but I remember I was
around 11 or so and I got a dead tooth and it turned gray. We went to the dentist
and got it covered up and it still difficult to tell it from my alive teeth.
I have a bunch of fillings and stuff too which really hurt to get put in and especially
the one time when the dentist scarred the inside of my mouth all up with the Novocaine
I have a finger that's crooked. Jerry whipped a basketball at me one time and fractured
a finger. It never set properly and it healed kind of crooked.
I've broken or fractured other fingers at various times.
I just discovered a scar on my left ring finger. I don't remember what happened.
One time I was doing a flip into a pool on St. James Place and I didn't land in the
pool I landed on the concrete wall of the pool and fractured my leg. That was the
closest I ever came to having a cast on. Really it was just a lot of ace bandages
though and I got to hobble around on crutches for a while.
Probably one of the most serious injuries or at least the most painful was the time
I fell and messed up my back. Me and Jerry had discovered a basketball court where
the rim was tipped down so that it was lower by about a foot maybe. We discovered
that with some effort we could sometimes dunk on this rim. Dunking was like a
lifelong dream for us so we played there a lot. One time I ran at the rim real fast.
I jumped up for a dunk. I missed the dunk but grabbed onto the rim. My momentum
made my feet swing all the way up and just then my fingers slipped off the rim and
I fell all the way down to the concrete landing flat on my back. Then Jerry laughed.
I was in serious pain but Jerry thought it was really funny. He has since explained
to me that "Pain is funny when it happens to other people". We still say that to each
other when either of us gets hurt, but Jerry's probably the only person in the world
that I could laugh at when they hurt themselves. Just because he deserves it.
I was able to get up on my own so I was glad nothing was broken but I couldn't walk
right and my back was in more and more pain as the day wore on. I had to sleep on
the floor because my back hurt too much on my bed. I couldn't walk right for a few
weeks. But I guess it eventually healed itself just fine.
So I guess now would be as good a time as any to make with some Jerry stories.