Well, y'see, what happened was, I was being crushed under the weight of the Cycle
and things had fallen all apart anyway
and so all I could do was write my book, and go through the motions of my life until the book was done.
I really wanted to write journal entries. I really wanted to do a lot of things. But I was seized by a fear that if I took my eyes off the book for even a moment to look at the other things that were piling up, then the pile would fall right in front of the book, and the book would get washed away and exist in a nearly completed state forever. There were lots of days where I would say, I'm close enough to being finished that I could take a minute to write a journal entry or reply to all my friends' emails and return a phone call or something. But instead I just got more and more focussed on finishing the book. At the end there I was totally ignoring my own health and well-being, the housekeeping, hygene... everything other than eating, writing, reading what I had written to my inner circle, and going to work got pushed aside somewhat.
But then on Dec December 23rd
I finally finished it and ordered the first copies. And the Cycle was over. And I could start to catch up on all those journal entries
. And now I'm caught up with them.
I have other stuff to catch up on now, I have a new book to sell, after a slow start I've finally started to move some copies of it, and people are starting to read it and talk to me about it, yay, and I have had my first performance poetry appearance in a while last Wednesday, and that was great fun. Next Wednesday I get back to Housing co-op dinner for the first time in a couple weeks. I ran into the Mass Ave people the other day and got to see the new Mass Ave building (that's not on Mass Ave). Catching up feels good.
It's starting again. I can feel it. I have this book that I want to write. I need to study a lot of history in order to write it. I spent the last few days in a Wikipedia trance, studying history more intensely than I ever have before. I feel like a million-billion times smarter than I was a week ago. I feel so good that I could just start writing a book now.
But... I think I'll resist for a while.
Yeah. I think that would probably be best.
Peace & Love,