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journalWelcome to my online journal. I'm Alex Mead. For many years people called me AMPro --so much so that it seemed like my name. More recently, a lot of people on the internet have come to know me as green.earth.al and in show biz...My Rap Name is Alex. Whatever name I'm known by, I still seem to have the same opinions and convictions, I still like to write and make public my introspection and try to say something that will provoke some thoughts and help people see the world in new and helpful ways.
September 2005
Things Fall Apart
this journal entry posted on September.23.2005


So, once upon a time I was cruising along pretty well with the journal entries. I was going to be putting up my Opus photojounal at any moment.

Yeah. And then what happened?

Things fell apart.

This journal entry will say late September, but it's actually being written in late December. That's right, I'm going back and cheating on my journal entries. Entering them months after they actually happened.

Because. Well, at the time that they happened, things fell apart.

First of all, Birdie's departure affected me a lot more than I would admit to myself. I told myself that I expected her to go to Boston. And that's true. I was very diligent about telling myself that she would probably decide to leave at any moment on a daily basis. I guess when the clock struck September and she was still here I started to allow myself the faintest twinge of maybe she would stay here and be an Art Co-op with me. And I guess I didn't expect it to happen the way it did. One morning I was taking a break from writing my book and having a talk with her and Dave in the kitchen at 5 am. Then I went to get 6 hours of sleep and they were both gone. An empty space where they used to be. I just kept on keeping on because that's what I do. I don't ever admit to myself that I've been whalloped and staggered. I allowed myself only the aspects of myself that I'm familiar with. That she is a wonderful person and that she deserves every shot at happiness in Boston (my Arch nemisis Boston), and that I wish her well and that I'll miss her. You know, like miss her a little bit. Locked away deep on the inside was a primal scream that missed her tons.

Then, my job fell apart. I had gambled everything. You know, put the mortgage on black and let it ride. I had quit my security job and told myself I was never going back. I had roamed the land for a month and the mountain of bills was rumbling behind the closet door. I really needed that Tire Throwing job to come through. And it did. I got the damned job. I started learning how to do it. I put up with the agony of every muscle in my body aching and with coming home so sweaty and dirty that I didn't recognize myself. Dirty fingers, black snot from the rubber dust, drinking gallons of water and still feeling dehydrated. I mean, I did my part. I lived up to my part of the bargain. And then Hurricaine Rita ripped through Texas and leveled some rubber plant and the factory could get any rubber and all of a sudden I'm laid off. Just as I was starting to be able to throw two trucks in one day and make a decent income.

In late September, the only way I knew how to cope and survive was to throw myself into writing Relations book 2. Not worry about the bills that threatened to get me evicted, the bleak mood of the house, whether or not my job would call me back into work or not, my inability to get any women to be a part of my daily life. Writing. Just writing and nothing else. I lived, ate, slept and breathed Relations 2 at the end of September and beginning of October. That's why that book is so good. I concentrated more on that book than anything I've concentrated on ever. It was me and I was it. Me and that book have a bond that is rare between a creative work and the artist that creates it. We saved each other.

*shudder*

Anyway, so that's what happened to the jounal entries.

Sorry the Opus photo gallery is so late, better late than never. Check it out if you like:
http://www.amprosoft.com/Gallery/Opus05/gallery.cgi?1

Writing: Relations 2: SMASH YOUR TV!
Cool: words (type type type type)
Fastest truckload so far: 6 hours


Make any new friends?
this journal entry posted on September.09.2005

Yeah, so this still isn't the Opus Photojournal entry yet. I'm still running frantically trying to catch up to my life. Soon.

Yesterday...

"Did you meet any new friends today?" asked my relatively new friend Alyssa in an IM yesterday. Prompted I'm sure by my last journal entry. I hadn't. I tried to explain about the law of averages. I tried to explain about how the day had been talking to my old friends (because, y'know, what kind of friend would I be if I wasn't interested in talking to you just because I already know ya?). I really don't think I made any new friends the day before yesterday either.

That was then...

Okay. So. Today started off working a new job. I immediately made a new coworker friend. Troy. And he told me all kinds of useful things about how to do my job. And stuff about what music is good to listen to. And then he told me a whole lot of stuff about his car that maybe I wasn't all that interested in. Point is, he's a cool guy. Glad to know him.

Okay, and then just now. Anna Walsh and I went to a place called CEM where a senior citizen poetry group was holding an open reading and I made SIXTEEN new elder friends!

That is FAN-FRICKIN-TASTIC!

And we shared poetry, and my new friend Nancy talked to me about compulsive cleaning and the loss of a parent and art and surrogate mothers from the community and how great Anna Walsh is and living in a place that becomes your family and everything.

Happy.

-Alex

Writing: Relations 2 - Chapter 4. 90%
Cool: Tossing around 90 lb tires.
Fastest truckload so far: N/A
Newest friend: Nancy
Priorities: Forms for new job, Resource book, Opus photo journal, catch up on snail mail, writing my favorite book ever.


Compulsory Journal Entry...
this journal entry posted on September.07.2005

okay

a) I just told myself I was going to bed right away to be fresh and lively for work tomorrow. *sigh*
b) I have totally been working on a photojournal entry about Opus and that was supposed to be my next entry *sigh*

But what the hell... I feel the call to ramble on about myself before I can give way to sleep.

Free Ken Johnson!

Okay, so Sunday was AWESOME! That's the anual June & Rogers picnic here in Buffalo. June and Roger are like the embodyment of activism and they've been having Labor Day gatherings for TWENTY FIVE YEARS NOW. It's a huge big deal here. And when I go to it it's like a huge collection of friends I see every day and friends I haven't seen in years and some of my favorite photos I've ever taken are from there and etc.

This year, I was minding my own business, attempting to play a little game called "see if I can feed myself without using one paper plate or plastic cup" (which I totally WON by the way). And so this guy comes up to me and points at my name tag.

Okay, about the name tags. They already had "My Name Is" writen on them. At the very top. So I was forced out of my standard "Touch me I'm Alex" which I've been using since Opus 2004. I had to go with "My Name is Alex and I like Hugs"

Back on topic, my name badge had Alex in big letters on it. And this guy pointed at it and said "Alex. Alex Mead?" and I was like "yep." and he said "Kenny. Kenny Johnson".

HOLY WOW!

Kenny Johnson is only one of the monumental shaping forces in my life. He was a co-worker of my mom and got so completely railroaded by our criminal "justice" system. And I can remember being a little boy and wearing the "Free Kenny Johnson" t-shirt everywhere I went and explaining to adults all of the specifict of the case. The whole reason I am who I am I think is because I knew at 8 years old that there's no justice in this country.

And then HE BOUGHT MY BOOK. And we exchanged contact info. And talked about my mom.

That was SO COOL.

Dance I said!

So they had a really cool Latin Jazz band at June & Rogers and they were awesome.

In the past I have watched my friend Jason (who wasn't there) dance all by himself at events. And I've looked at him curiously and thought to myself he sure looks strange dancing all by himself like that.

On Sunday I realized "Hey, he's not dancing all by himself. He's waiting for people to join him and nobody's doing so." It was all so clear to me as I was dancing by myself in my socks on the grass and following my bliss.

I think I had residual OpusNess coursing through my veins.


Is this Alex?

Okay. And one more cool thing.

Right. So we placed an ad for our Art-Activist Co-op here. Nothing really came of it all day. Then just as I was about to go to bed the phone rang. And the person asked me a few questions about the house here and I gave a few answers and we were scheduling a time for her to come look at the place and then she says.

"Wait. Alex? Alex, Alex? This is CC."

Oh MY GAWD. I LOVE Buffalo. It is the biggest small town in the world.

That would be so cool if CC were to end up joining the Art Co-op. She is such an AWESOME artist. Just wow.

Deep breath. OKay. I try go sleep now.

be Peace,
-Alex


Stat!
this journal entry posted on September.03.2005

Getting things back:
tuesday: driver's license - expired 9 months ago
wednesday: highs and lows - been wandering too long
thursday: employment - quit my job to go wandering, now I have a good shot at better one
friday: hot water - had been 5 months without hot water (whatever)
saturday: see below

Meeting New Friends
wednesday: Jaquelin - new hot chocolate friend
thursday: Marcia & two ladies who's names I don't recall - new food co-op friends
friday: David - new basketball friend; John & Jae: New friends at the Soap Making House
saturday: Lana & Jolene: see below

Unfortunate Computations:
Okay, so assuming:
I continue to make 2.25 friends per day
Buffalo's population (currently around 290,000) continues to decline about 2,000 per year
I have around 1200 friends here presently
It would take me about 102 years to make friends with everyone in Buffalo
No wonder I always feel like I don't have enough time and feel rushed.
Of course this is an unscientific computation, because, well, as people
came to be friends with me they would be less inclined to leave.
Not actually. There's been no real evidence of that. Quite the contrary.
But. IF I WERE ABLE TO FREEZE MYSELF FOR 140 YEARS THEN... THEN it would only take 10 years to get to know the 10,000 or so remaining people.
But then my 1200 current friends would probably all be dead.
Man, I'll just never get to be friends with everyone in Buffalo unless I REALLY step it up.

welcome to below:
So I'm going to try to let go of all the people I can't be friends with and focus on some of the people I do get to be friends with. It really seems like Buffalo has been making a conscious effort to provide me with the things that I had at Opus that made me happy. It can't always provide me with the exact same quality of Opus' version, but it's been at least trying to give me a little something in every category.

For a while I thought I was imagining this, but it's really true. One thing that I was really missing about Opus was the ability to have a Polyamorous Identity Group and get together with other Poly people and talk about Polyamory and get to feel like I had some friends that could relate to me. And so, totally from out of the blue, someone on a POly website sent me an online message and told me to check the WNYPoly yahoo group and so I did and they were having a meetup. And we met up today and now I have two new Poly friends. Here in Buffalo. That's AMAZING!

So there can be no denying for me anymore that Buffalo's trying to give me everything I need to survive here. Today was a really good day to be here.

and finally for some stuff about water
So I wasn't really going to go to Summer Services at the UU church of Buffalo this year. But I wanted Birdie to get to see one so we went last week and saw one and it was cool.

I talked to the lady from the Social Justice Committee at UUCBuff for a minute and she asked me to come to church the following week (tomorrow) and wear blue and read a fact about water. This will be in advance of the Water Communion the following week (which I'll have to miss because I hope to be hanging out with Drew at the STLD Con).

So anyway, I was not thinking much of this whole reading a fact about water thing. Didn't seem to really fit in the grand scheme of things at the time. Then last night I went to dinner at the Soap Making house as I'm inclined to do some Friday nights. And Peter was there, as he often is on some Friday nights. And we talked a little but nothing much.

And THEN I ran into him again today at the food co-op and he looked upset. And so I stopped him and had him talk to me and he was TOTALLY PISSED OFF because the food co-op is still selling assloads of Evil Poland Springs water from the vile Nestle Corporation and they are not offering any alternatives even after as many letters as he's written and as many times as they've promissed they'll look into alternatives.

SO NOW IT ALL MADE SENSE. This whole thing is about how I'm supposed to take some time tonight and put in some more research about Nestle and Poland Springs so that the facts I deliver tomorrow at the UUCofBuff will have some really important things to say about water. And I will bring a lot of petitions with me so that we can get signatures and present a stack of them to the food co-op so that we can finally get some action on having those evil ass Nestle fuckers all over our co-op which SUPPOSEDLY aspires to embrace products that promote a friendly coexistence with the other citizens of the world. Yeah. So I need to go do that now.

Poland Springs = Perrier = Deer Park = San Pelligrino = Nestle = Evil ass exploiters of poor women everywhere = getting their asses sued by the state of Michigan for lowering the water tables = sux!

http://www.corporations-suck.com/reports/nestle.shtml

My writing...is like a party.
this journal entry posted on September.02.2005

Bounceback Day:
Today (Thursday) was a bounceback day. Wednesday was not so hot; dreary and kinda sad. But today came roaring back.

I think that Jesse and I BOTH got really good jobs today. Yep, from 0 to 100% employment in one day for the Art Co-op. Time to start turning the ol place around.

Old friends, new friends, gold friends, blue friends:
It was nice to be back at the food co-op working some member hours. I'm running for the board again and I started my quiet campaign to any friends I ran into (and there were many). The food co-op is so cool. It's like "the Big Room" where you just go there and wait for your friends to show up, and are quite often surprised by which ones they are.

On Sunday there is a huge annual labor day activist gathering. And my friends Kevin and Emily are back in town for it and they breezed through the co-op today. Man, how I had missed them. And then I made at least two new friends working at the co-op today. People that I can't wait to talk to again.

Rawk!

Breakdance!:
At the co-op they play XM radio. Mildly pleasant. They were playing an 80s station. That song from the Breakin movie came on "Ain't no stoppin us... no one does it better" So I started breakdancing in the stock room. Maybe it's just the year that I was born, but I fail to see how people can refrain from breakdancing when this song comes on. To me it's automatic. I went out into the store to check to see if people were breakdancing. They weren't. I sang the song and did some breakdancing and nobody even looked my way. Like the Bee girl in the video except there was no field of bee people at the end. I need to get a copy of that song somehow.

Writing a really good book:
And the writing streak continues. In the last few years I wrote a book about my life. It's a great book and a book I still get excited about. But there's something about my novels, Relations, that's just even more exciting. If you read carefully and pay attention, these two books taken together, reveal much more about me than the book that I intentionally wrote to reveal everything about me. I am on book two of this two book series and today I tore into chapter four of this ten chapter book. I've written a bit less than half the chapter. It just keeps on taking me higher.

During my six months off from writing I wrote a very detailed outline for this book. I had imagined that I knew exactly how it was going to go.

WRONG!

I keep finding out more and more about the future every day, and the people in it are full of surprises. It's quite exciting. I can't seem to get my characters to sit still. They're all about to lose control and I think I like it.

Have you read the first book yet?
http://www.amprosoft.com/books/Relations

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