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journalWelcome to my online journal. I'm Alex Mead. For many years people called me AMPro --so much so that it seemed like my name. More recently, a lot of people on the internet have come to know me as green.earth.al and in show biz...My Rap Name is Alex. Whatever name I'm known by, I still seem to have the same opinions and convictions, I still like to write and make public my introspection and try to say something that will provoke some thoughts and help people see the world in new and helpful ways.
April 2006
Also not dead = AMProSoft
this journal entry posted on April.29.2006

Picture Link

Wow. Hard to believe it had been about 7 years since the last time I drew a picture of Princess AMPra. It feels like there was a three year period there where I was drawing her every single day.

About a year ago I took a look at AMProSoft.com and was suddenly saddedned by the state of disrepair that I'd allowed it to fall into. AMProSoft.com was the very first domain name I ever registered. But, of course, it's much more than that. It represents more than 15 years of history, hopes and dreams as a video game maker, composer, comic book artist, publisher, etc.

So, a year ago I looked at the website which had not been updated in about 2 years. There wasn't much useful info there. First I just redesigned the whole thing so that it could at least look like the vision of a homepage that I had in my head. Then I slowly began adding in the pieces. My journal at first. That was a nice boost. Put my books up for sale. Recovered all of the old versions of the website and created some archives. Sort of a smithsonian exhibit of the website.

So I still have a ton more plans. Seems like it takes a minor miracle to ever come across the time to code some more stuff. But it's been happening. The Upcoming Events table on the main page that I coded this week is pretty nice. I've been digging through the old comics and considering putting out a few bound editions of the whole series. Maybe even finish the story arc I was on when it suddenly stopped. And I still work on that CD from time to time too.

I prefer to talk about projects once their finished rather than pronouncements about future plans, but sometimes putting it out there can inspire a body to find the time. Y'know.

Peace & Love,

This Woman
this journal entry posted on April.22.2006

Right. Okay. So, there's this woman right? Right. I won't mention her by name in my journal because I haven't really run that by her yet, but a lot of local folx already know who she is.

Wait. Hang on. Speaking of local folks --before I forget-- I just wrote a new program for my homepage that will let people know when and where I'm reading out and performing. Just click on http://www.amprosoft.com and you'll see it. Show up to any of that stuff and you'll see me.

Right. So about this woman. *sigh* She has this beaming easy smile and she laughs with abandon. A couple entries ago I wrote a bit about her. We were on-again-off-again for a bit. But we've been enjoying the on again for a good while now. I think about her lots, tons & bunches.

Life is good.

Last year I wrote an entry about how Buffalo's really cool because I make a ton of new friends all the time. Well, that's still true. But this woman makes a ton of friends too, and so now it seems like I have this whole huge influx of friends because I have access to her ton of friends and my ton of friends. I'm on friend overload.

And I'm sharing lots of friends with her too. I had an entry about my friend Christina and how she came to UU church and just became one of us on the spot. Well, this new woman in my life, came to UU church and just up and joined the choir. Yeah, that same choir that has done all kinds of things to my emotions over the years will now have her voice in it.

Saw my old friend Anna (from my poetry book) yesterday. I had really been missing her. She's gonna read at Urban Epiphany (see my website for the time & date & place). I saw my old friend Kim today. Missed her too. I start to think of all the friends I owe some time to. Nah, those're dangerous waters. Nevermind all that.

So, people keep telling me that I look good lately. That takes some getting used to. Maybe I'm just smiling more lately. It seems like everywhere I look there are people that I love. Work is going pretty good. My new girlfriend gets along well with my old girlfriend. Having Heather living back here in Buffalo with me really has it's wonderful moments. I feel like I'm finally starting to get this life thing right.

I have a couple new songs that I'm looking to perform soon, including one written just for Urban Epiphany on Sunday the 30th. That event comes highly recommended by me. And MAP open mic should be just as spectacular as it always is.

Peace & Love,

this journal entry posted on April.14.2006

Yeah. So my new friend Aaron the breakdancer called me on the phone and he was like "You wanna go to the breakdance spot?" Okay, I shouldn't have that in double quotes cause that's not exactly what he said. But anyway, Buffalo has this breakDance spot, and we went there. It was kinda like staying out late on a schoolnight since I have to go to work in a few hours. But, oh well. Whatever. It was fun. I've been getting a lot of good opportunities to sweat and move lately. Good for the ol health.

Nice to know Buffalo has a breakdancing spot. 3rd Sun, who is a Buffalo EmCee that I really like even blasted out a quick rhyme that was really hot. Well worth the price of admission.

Western New York people, don't forget that TONIGHT is the Ehk-wheh-heh-weh benefit at Nickel City Housing Co-op. You go there = good time = DO IT!

Woah hey IIIIIII.   Ooooooowoah.  I'm still Alive!
this journal entry posted on April.12.2006

Been a while.

Life got kinda crazy for a minute. I'll try to give you the short version, though, even the short version is pretty long.


Since September my job has been to throw tires into trucks. It's a very nice, physical job where I make a good buck. Several good bucks actually. And then as soon as I get them, I turn all of my good bucks over to the evil credit card companies that own me in a sort of nouveaux slavery arrangement.

One day back in December my boss told me that he was going on a vacation in March and asked if I'd like to be the boss while he was gone and collect his salary in addition to my regular pay. That was a no-brainer. Wasn't anything I could afford to turn down even if I wanted to.

As the vacation date in mid March was approaching I kept trying to ask questions and make preparations and figure out if this was all still happening and whether or not we were properly prepared and how things were going to go and all. Everyone seemed pretty non-chalant about it so I figured everyone knew what they were doing.

Um,... no.

The DAY BEFORE the scheduled vacation everyone starts calling me on the phone in a huge panic trying to stress me out and get me to join their freaking-out party. Not only was my boss going to go on vacation, but the tire factory decided they were going to increase production just as he was heading out of town so we had the same number of employees, way more trucks to fill and my boss was going to go on a cruise and totally turn his phone off. The boss of the whole truck loading company that I work for was calling me and offering to come up and load trucks personally if we needed it. I still wished that people would have prepared more ahead of time, but I wasn't really looking to get all freaked out about it. I told everyone that I would do my best and that I suspected that my best would be plenty sufficient.

So, it wasn't easy. I put everything --almost everything-- in my life on hold and made ready to load trucks around the clock if I needed to. I started calling all of our loaders and letting them know our situation. I started getting familiar with the schedule and looking for ways to get more loading out of the crew we had.

The tire factory didn't increase production by near as much as they said they were going to. Through the first weekend we were keeping up with them just fine. The one thing in my life I didn't put on hold were the performances I mentioned in my last journal entry (way back when) because I really felt like I needed to get in front of an audience and let loose.


So I have this new poem/song called Color Inside the Lines that's really fun to do. I was scheduled to perform it 3 times in four days. The first performance was at my friend Liz's poetry event. I performed it well, but I really didn't feel good about it. Like maybe that was the wrong venue for it. I was glad to have gotten it out without messing up any words, but I was more excited about performing it the following night for my activist buddies at the Subversive Theatre play.

So, after performing I went into work and all hell had broken loose. We were way behind and people were freaking out so I called in everyone I could call in and I loaded as many trucks as I could load (had time to load). I ended up working a 17 hour shift (which included a 3 hour nap in my boss' office). I loaded 5 and a half trucks. Throwing tires for 14 hours with only three hours of sleep is very physically challenging, but honestly I could have done more. I probably would have done more to give us a little cushion but it came time to perform again.

I was dead tired, and dirty and stinky. But hell, I've given some great performances dead tired before. I was very eager and excited. All of my activist friends showed up. And then... there was no time available for me to perform.

I saw a really good play, but it was super frustrating not to get a chance to get on. I went home and went to bed with a lot of pent up performance enrgy waiting to burst out.

The next couple days at work were much the same. Frantic. Taxing. Unpredictable. But I was handling everything that was thrown my way. Refuse to lose. Find a way to get it done. Etc.

Wednesday rolled around and I was feeling like I had my second wind. I had a few good meals in me and had experienced some nice hot showers. I had made it more than half way through my boss' vacation. Things were looking up. And it was the day of the M.A.P. open mic. My favorite venue to perform at.

I got to MAP Open mic and there really weren't many people there. Hardly any. That was somewhat disappointing. But I've always said that I will throw everything I have into it whether it's 1 person or 1,000 in the audience. So I just tried to do that. And I really got after it with the performing and had lots of fun. There was a lot of opportunity to perform multiple times and as the night wore on more and more people showed up. Several great musicians were there to the the Mass Avenue Orchestra fired up and let people pass the mic around. The band hit a really good groove and I sang The Life by Mystic and just really, really felt the music. It was awesome. I even messed up most of the words and it was STILL way awesome. It really all fit together. By the end of the night I was having such a good time.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was dancing with a most beautiful woman as we were all cleaning up at the end of the night. Not just dancing, something was happening. Like, feeling like I'm totally falling for some really beautiful woman is an almost daily experience in my life and neighborhood. But, woah, feeling like someone was falling for me back?? That's new.


So there's this woman. Natural, beautiful, happy, smart, fun, compassionate. The whole everything. I just wanted to spend some time considering the possibilities before we get to the part where I have to tell her aout Heather and she runs away. I didn't have much free time, because I had to finish being the boss at work. But a few days later that was all over. I had succeeded in keeping things from falling appart and they were going to pay me buttloads of money which would halp me keep my precariously balanced financial house of cards from collapsing. All was good on the work front. Oh, except that my boss broke his ankle while on vacation and wouldn't be able to fully return to work. But that wasn't really MY problem. I did my ten days of blood sweat and tears.

So, about this woman. Things just went super fast. Before I could even get my bearings it was already time to tell her about Heather (and watch her run away). Only, I told her about Heather and she didn't run away. She just said 'take it slow.' And what could be more perfect than that? Slow is like my favorite setting.

And so Heather was coming home for the weekend that weekend even. And by the time the weekend rolled around I was so into everything about this woman and so eager to have her meet Heather, and...

And that's what happened. Easily one of the highest highs of my last 365. A most fantastically incredible weekend of the three of us getting to know each other and asking questions and looking at things through new eyes, and... and there was snuggling. Memories of the variety that don't go away.

It seemed too good to last. It didn't last. And now I'm sort of sad. But also pretty Happy that Heather is almost here. And I felt like I got a glimpse of the future. Some woman(en) or man(en) will get us there again. That happy place is meant to be a big part of the rest of our lives. Just is.

Will be.

Felt nice to journal again. Thanks for caring.


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